Here and Now

"Right now my life feels like an unmade bed." I just read that quote in somebody else's blog and it really hit me. That's me. This guy's complaint was that he had quite a few unfinished projects on the back burner. That's part of why I feel that way, but part of it is also probably that I'm hitting middle age and there's so much that I thought I'd do, thought I COULD do, whatever, that I haven't accomplished. Well, I don't really know why I feel like that, I just know I do. I have so much - I love my wife (and she loves me), I have two of the greatest girls who were ever born. I like my job, my coworkers. God is good -- all the time. So why do I feel...unmade? No answers today. Just the question. I said Sunday night that I'm Eeyore (from Winnie the Pooh - I gotta start reading some grown-up books soon...) and maybe that's part of it. Always seeing the negative, always ready with the down-side... Dunno...

I’m not sure what to make of all of this. I was looking at Elie (our 2-year-old daughter) the other day. I smiled. She smiled back. I got to thinking about smiling. What a strange way to contort the face, and yet there’s something so inviting and attractive about a smile. It’s the shape our mouths make when we laugh – when we really, naturally, spontaneously laugh. I have in my wallet our family photo from our pictorial directory and the photographer told Lori and I to just smile and wait for the moment that he would snap the picture – HIS concern was to get the girls to smile. So, Lori and I sat with these smiles pasted on our faces, he would act goofy, the girls would laugh and, voila, they’re SMILING. It’s a beautiful picture. I love it. But smiling. What a weird thing to do. You’ve heard the “it takes more muscles to frown than to smile” or some such nonsense (here’s one take on the whole debate that might be worth a quick peek – http://www.snopes.com/science/smile.asp ). Smiling j...

Hannah Whitehall Smith wrote in her journal in March of 1878: Faith is the stairway that leads to the manifestation, but it is not the manifestation itself, and to settle down to a pure life of faith alone without the Divine response is to sit down on the stairway, and never reach the place to which the stairway was meant to lead. This I have done in common with hundreds of others, and as a consequence our souls have not experienced that conscious indwelling of the abiding Comforter which is plainly promised in the Bible, and which some Christians have most blessedly realized. I had however got contented with this way of living, and had settled it in my own mind, that this conscious experience was not for me, that it was a matter of temperament, or of health, and that I was called to a walk of faith alone. But the deep down inward sense of lack always remained after all, but I would not notice it, thinking it must be temptation. Last spring however the Lord by a series of most remark...

So, I'm doing it again... Oh, wait, I've been gone for almost two weeks now - our denomination's Annual Conference and a work trip in Pittsburgh (which was great, by the way)... Anyway, so, I'm doing it again, it would seem. Every once in a while I think about doing something really big for God. Something earth-shaking, faith-building, hope-spreading, light...um...beaming? Anyway, I think about doing some big things for God. And every once in a while I act on that impulse. Seems like a good idea, God will be honored by it, it might even sound like the right thing to do at the time. Thing is, and this is where the "I'm doing it again" thing comes in, sometimes when I decide to do these big deals, I don't really ask God what HE wants, you know? I mean, what if these big plans aren't really God plans? What if I set out to do the greatest thing ever witnessed by human eyes so that God will be glorified, but God really just wants something smal...

Earlier today I was trying to do a lead sheet of a song I had written several years ago. I have this cool program (Finale NotePad 2005a) that is really easy to use (though it crashes a lot for me on playback...) Anyway, I realized a couple of things as I was working the song out (bear in mind, that I can't read music - not with any proficiency - and I taught myself to play guitar). First of all, I really like syncopation. Took me forever to figure out all those dotted this and tied that... Second, there can be a huge difference between a melody written and a melody performed...even when the notes are the same. There's inflection, scoops and whatever... So, turns out that it's all about the details. When I was a kid I took some kind of standardized test. One of the parts of the test was to make as many pictures as I could out of series of circles in an allotted time. As I recall, there were maybe 30 circles. I probably used 5 or 6 of the circles. I was told that I spent too ...

Bet not too many people remember the band Undercover. Was looking over my CD collection the other day and I pulled out the Broken Records '88 compilation Undercover Vol. 1. Just about the only thing I every remember from the band is the song "God Rules." Bet not too many people remember it, either... (well, the other thing I remember is the GREAT Boys and Girls Renounce the World album cover and song...) God Rules Last time water, this time fire The day is getting down to the wire I've heard Jesus mocked and now I'm tired God is true and men are liars God Rules Jesus helps me day and night Took my sins and flushed them right outa here The devil lost the fight Jesus won with power and might God Rules There's more to life than getting stoned And sitting in the twilight zone He is coming to take us home Don't be left here all alone God Rules By Ojo Taylor Okay, it ain't Shakespeare - but two things strike me about it, even today. First is it...

I was reading Colossians the other day and one of the last verses says, "And when this letter has been read among you, have it read also in the church of the Laodiceans; and see that you read also the letter from Laodicea." (Colossians 3:16, NRSV) There IS no letter to the Laodiceans in the New Testament. That got me thinking, of course... What is Paul talking about? Where is the letter? Why is this here? Now, I remember Church history classes and the fights over the canon - what books would be included, were the letters authentic, the compromises (like Revelation being included only if Hebrews was included - an East/West battle), and so on. I mean, there's a very human aspect to the whole collection of the canon and the determination of what was included and what wasn't included. So I did a search (Google, my new best friend...heh) and I came across several sites that purport to have copies of this "Lost Epistle." One site alleges that in 1844 a man ...

Yesterday I got to lead chapel at one of our local Christian schools. I was freaking out because I didn't know if I could relate to the little kids (even though half the time I act like one) and I heard the Jr/Sr High kids could be pretty brutal (bored, non-responsive -- not really HOSTILE, mind you...). Anyway, I wasn't sure what to do, so I prayed. Well, duh. Of course I prayed. Yeah, but I mean I BATHED this puppy in prayer. I was on my knees (figuratively) more over the past week or so over this service than I have been over anything in a long time (though, check out my last post...). I really felt like I should speak on the Holy Spirit (I mean, this is Pentecost, right?). So I did. And I used an old standby for when I do a children's sermon at another church (they've seen it here) -- balloon animals. Okay, I'm not very good at balloon animals, but I can be kind of goofy in my inability (you know, "let me show you the first animal I learned to make.....

I spent a lot of hours on the road over the last four days. That always gives me time to think - to pray - to whine and not worry about offending anybody - to dream out loud and not be embarassed... I realized (at 70 mph, thank you very much) that I've pretty much put God on the back burner, so to speak. Don't get me wrong. I'm a pastor, God is my job. So I still read the Bible. I still pray. I'm still present with God. But you know how people can be in the same room (present with each other) but be miles away? That's been me and God - off and on - for the past several months. And, of course, it's been me. But I never really thought it bothered God all that much. I mean, God created patience, right? Okay, I'm rambling... I ran across this passage from the Psalms (44:20-21): If we had forgotten the name of our God, or spread out our hands to a strange god would not God discover this? For he k...

Wow -- I was just rocking Elie before her nap and she kept grabbing my thumb. She's almost two... What struck me was how tiny her hands are. And how HUGE mine seem to be. When did I get grown-up hands? They're a little wrinkled and a little scarred and the veins pop up on the back (which Lori thinks is gross) -- they're not kid hands any more... Then I started thinking about God's hands. How big they must be... I mean, if God HAS hands... But, well, I hope you know what I mean. Elie depends on my hands to hold her, to pick her up, to guide her across the street. My hands offer her things she knows she needs (like food and her "blankie") and things I know she needs (like her vitamins). My hands throw her in the air and catch her, my hands tickle her while she squirms, they stroke her hair while she sleeps, they wipe her nose, put on her shoes... My grown up hands...nothing like her tiny, innocent hands... One day she'll have grown up hands too.....

I just opened up my Bible and read the first thing that I saw. It happened to be Micah chapter 7. You should read it. I'll bet if you read The Message translation you'd think Micah was talking to us today. My Bible gives the chapter the heading, "The Total Corruption of the People." That's pretty appropriate. Micah is complaining about how depraved people have become -- hunting one another, officials taking bribes, friends and loved ones betraying one another, children hating their parents... Yep, sounds like the world I see around me today. But what caught my attention in this (after all, there are dozens of passages like this scattered throughout the prophets, Micah isn't unique in his assessment of the wickedness of the people) -- what caught my attention was how he begins this section: Woe is me! For I have become like one who, after the summer fruit has been gathered, after the vintage has been gleaned, finds no cluster to eat; there is no first-...

We're in the middle of our annual rummage sale here at the church. Mountains of stuff came in over the past couple of weeks -- and mounds of stuff are leaving in the arms of people who have dropped a few dollars for the items. It's a pretty good deal, of course, and our Allen Class and the kids going to the Pittsburgh Project really benefit from the sale. It's just amazing to me how much stuff people accumulate -- and how much stuff I accumulate, for that matter. I saw some really neat stuff, some junk, some collectables and some -- well, some stuff I'm really not sure what it is... It would be really neat if I could see who brought what stuff into the sale. What does the fact that they owned it say about them? What does the fact that they are giving it away say about them? Nah -- that wouldn't be any good, because I know the kind of stuff that I brought in. What it says about me is that I've received some pretty off the wall gifts... Of course, if I br...

8:00 on a Saturday night. What would you normally be doing? Where would you be? Maybe a movie, or in front of the TV? Visiting friends or family, a late dinner, on the road somewhere? 8:00 on Saturday night isn’t prime time at my house, it’s unwinding time. The girls are in bed (probably) and the house has been tidied up (probably) and I’m ready to just relax and be quiet (probably…not). But this Saturday night was different. First of all, I wasn’t at home. Lori and I took four girls from church to a weekend youth event called Acquire the Fire. It’s a youth rally. It’s a call to youth to make a deeper commitment to Christ. It’s a day and a half of teaching and drama and music and worship. And, of course, it’s fun. By 8:00 on Saturday night I was ready to go home. The teaching had been great, the worship was incredible, the bands…well, the kids liked the bands (hardcore I don’t mind so much but I just don’t get hip-hop). We were maybe thirty hours into this weekend and I was just plain ...