Here and Now

I was asked to do a talk at our confirmation retreat. The subject was Grace. And, since we're a United Methodist Church, the further "refined" subject was Sanctifying Grace... But, I was told, I could do whatever I wanted to do... SO - I did whatever I wanted to do. No, I didn't explicate the origins of the Wookie race in the Star Wars series...though that might be fun next year. I still talked about Grace. And I even talked about Sanctifying Grace - but I tried to take on all three major perspectives of Grace that we United Methodists have: Prevenient Grace, Justifying Grace, Sanctifying Grace. So - in an unprecedented (at least on this blog) FOUR PART SERIES we present.... Grace - as Bill Beatty understands it...and then again, he might be wrong... Okay. So - WHAT is Grace? Grace, she takes the blame She covers the shame Removes the stain It could be her name Grace, it's the name for a girl It's also a thought that changed the world And when she walks on th...

What do I do when I don't have anything to say? I remember one time I said something stupid, just because there was a lull in a conversation (ONE time...heh, happens all the time...). I don't remember what I said, but it was just, well, stupid... I remember apologizing, saying, "You know, sometimes I say something just to have something to say..." I've learned (or, rather, I AM LEARNING) to listen more than speak. I want to be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." But sometimes, I just need to say something to have something to say..." The ultimate in self-centeredness? No, I don't think so. It's fear. Silence is threatening... What are you really thinking right now? How can I know in silence? I talk to God that way - sometimes just babbling on to have something to say because the silence scares me... I guess I want God to speak in the silence... But what if He doesn't? Will I still have faith? Will I still believe?...

I feel like I'm waiting for a shoe to drop... Not in a bad way, mind you. But it has felt like, for some time, that I'm on the edge of something - that God is ready to do something with me, to me, through me, in me...something... I wish I could articulate it better than that. I've been feeling (usually) more and more excited about worship, about preaching, about preparing for Sunday. I think that's related. I wish I was more organized...I wish I was better at using my time...I wish I complained less and appreciated more...I wish... Just a random thought before a meeting. I hate meetings sometimes. This time I wish I ws with Lori who has had a bad day and has a concert tonight and is facing criticism from some parents because the school district is going to close their little school and bus their kids like ten miles to the (only slightly) bigger town with the bigger school...like it's Lori's fault or something... I need to be praying right now... I feel like...

Just realized that I've been blogging for a year now... Wow...

A friend of mine just emailed me this quote from the website http://www.sliceoflaodicea.com/ "The Holy Scriptures require a humble reader who shows reverence and fear toward the Word of God and constantly says, 'Teach me, teach me, teach me!' The Spirit resists the proud. Though they study diligently and some preach Christ purely for a time, nevertheless God excludes them from the church if they're proud. Wherefore every proud person is a heretic, if not actually, then potentially. However, it's difficult for a man who has excellent gifts not to be arrogant. Those whom God adorns with great gifts he plunges into the most severe trials in order that they may learn that they're nothing. ... Pride drove the angel out of heaven and spoils many preachers. Accordingly it's humility that's needed in the study of sacred literature."-- Martin Luther, year 1540, Luther's Table Talk Now, the thing that struck me about this blog is that it seems to me (man...

I just read the comment on my last post - I was having SO much trouble with my Easter sermon - it was making me crazy. God is good - ALL THE TIME. Things came together (as they always do) but I'm still in my faith crisis all the time... I mean I don't feel all that "connected" to God right now... Wilderness time? Cleansing? Self-doubt and loathing? Well... maybe all of the above... BUT - Michael Airgood, who knows me WAY better than he thinks he knows me, posts a comment on that post. Here's the part where I almost spit my coffee at the screen laughing: If that doesn't work - start on your Christmas message and wait to get burned out on Christmas and start on Easter again. That's SO me... But, like I said, God is good ALL OF THE TIME. So, that sermon went pretty well. Good Friday went pretty well too. Though, an interesting difference - and this says a lot about me, I know. Good Friday, while I was writing it (it really felt more like transcribi...

So much to do, so little time. Seems to be a theme with me - I feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland except most days my life isn't in Wonderland... Easter's coming - I'll have a Good Friday sermon to get ready and Two Easter Sunday messages - though I've been working on the Breakthrough message for a while. I have a little trouble with the Easter sermon - not sure why. I guess there really isn't anything "new" to discover in it. How do I present the story of the Resurrection that is engaging and fresh? What's so very sad about my problem is that this is the focal point of our faith, isn't it? I think it's just that I'm too close to it - too familiar, too much a part of who I am. I guess it's like talking about my marriage - I don't know that I can talk about it in ways that are "new and fresh and engaging" to other people - I'm too tied into it... Maybe that's a bad example... What I'm a...

Some weeks are better than others.... Things have been really hectic for me lately - and now another week goes by... Nothing really profound to say (there's something new...). Last Friday night we went to see Bebo Norman at a Baptist church in Edinboro. It was an amazing facility. It used to be an Ames store. It was all so "post-modern" with the three video screens and the band and the giant stage - I mean worship platform... Still, except for the deer head and squirrel pelt hanging on the wall of the men's room, it was a pretty cool venue. They seem to have a LOT going on there. Bebo was pretty good. I mean, a couple of guys with guitars can only be so entertaining (unless one of them is a good storyteller - I saw Mark Shultz last year and, while his music doesn't really inspire me all that much [he's pretty good, don't get me wrong {I mean I know some of his songs and I like them well enough}, just not stuff I usually listen to] but he told a st...

There's a box of donuts in the room down the hall. Unless you're me, that's not an ominous sentence, I realize. But I'm me (wow - that's almost as profound as Descartes, isn't it? heh) and it's a terribly threatening sentence. You see, I love donuts - not in some wierd and emotionally unhealthy way - but in the normal and physically unhealthy way. They taste good. Mmmmmm.... There's a box of donuts in the room down the hall. And I'm the only one in the building today... Okay - it's so very profound, I realize - but it's me. The first sentence should read, "There's a box with a few donuts left in it down the hall..." or, as I'm thinking about it now, "There's a box with a couple of donuts left in it down the hall..." Yep, only two left. Never mind how many WERE there this morning, there won't be any left by the time I leave here around 3:00 today... So, why are they down the hall if I'm the only one in ...

Why are bad habits so easy to fall into and good habits so easy to fall out of? Man, I was getting pretty good at blogging for a while, then it all went kaplooie (heh, is that really a word?). My computer went down, so that kinda nailed the coffin shut - but I was falling behind even before then... I was reading a book by Mike Slaughter called Momentum for Life and he talked about how it really only takes one time of slouching (on, say devotional prayer or some other good discipline) to fall right out of the habit - and back into the bad habits... I find myself falling into a bunch of bad habits - I feel like I have to work so hard at everything - nothing comes easy for me. I work on procrastinating and I fail at keeping my temper with my children, I work on prayer and I stop reading the Bible. What is wrong with me? We were really good at practicing every week for the praise band, and I fell out the habit - now we're supposed to have practice tonight and I don't want to go...

My whole family has been sick for...well, it SEEMS like forever, but I guess it's only been about three weeks...only...heh... But that's what happens in families that spend a lot of time together. One gets sick, then sneezes on another who coughs on another and daddy finishes his sick daughters hamburger (or whatever) and on and on it goes. We've all been through anibiotics (though I'm not sure why since I'm pretty sure we've been passing a virus back and forth...but, as I keep telling my wife, my M D is a Masters of Divinity - doesn't really help with the whole medical thing...). In addition - my computer got infected...ARGH!!! I hate this aspect of the world wide web - it's dangerous out there... Of course I did something stupid. I couldn't find the registration code for a piece of software I had to reinstall so I thought I'll just go get it somewhere... LAST time I had computer problems it's because I did the same thing... In the e...

My friend Michael commented on my last post and it got me to thinking about putting energy where it needs to be put. You can check out his comment, since I'm not really quoting it or anything - just made me think. Every January we have a Wesleyan Covenant service here at Warren First UMC. We pray, among other things, that God will use us as He will - put me to work, lay me aside, put me to something I am suited for, or something disgraceful... Use me. I believe that - and when I'm walking closely in God's will, whatever He calls me to do I am more than happy to do (not always more than comfortable, but that's for another post). But when I am walking in Bill's Will...heh, I oughtta trademark that...well, it seems sometimes that I'm just spinning my wheels. Sometimes I can expend a great deal of energy and get nothing at all accomplished - and sometimes (like when we did the prayer stations service at Breakthrough worship) I can just kinda coast through thing...

Well, another two weeks goes by without a posting. Things get so hectic. I can barely keep up with life. The girls were sick - then I was sick. And the senior pastor was on a mission trip so I was minding the store... We always have excuses for why we don't spend time on things that are important. I don't pray as much as I should or I don't play with my kids as often as I should because... I'm too busy, people keep interrupting, I have too many appointments. The thing is, I seem to have enough time for the things that I WANT to do. I like model trains (yeah, I know what class of geek that makes me) and I don't seem to say, "wow, I wish I had more time to read those model train magazines..." And I seem to be able to fit my favorite TV shows into my "oh so busy" schedule...not to mention a bunch of TV shows I don't even like... Yeah, no big revelation in that, I know. Just confession. Just had to get that off my chest - even if it is o...

Wow - it's Friday already. I have SO much to get done... At Bible study this morning we were in Revelation chapter 15 and the chapter begins and ends with the idea of closure: 15:1 "Then I saw another portent in heaven, great and amazing: seven angels with seven plagues, which are the last, for with them the wrath of God is ended." 15:8b "...and no one could enter the temple until the seven plagues of the seven angels were ended." Closure - endings. One of the pastors at the study told us about a husband and wife - separated but not divorced. The wife died and the children told the husband that he was absolutely not to come to the funeral... He was to have NO contact with his, is estranged the right word?, wife at the funeral home in any way (not even a private visitation for his own closure). I can't imagine the hate and hurt that must be going on in that family and I don't sit in judgement of the decisions of the children - it could be that he wa...

Well, I got mocked the other day for changing the time of our evening worship service on Superbowl Sunday... Something like, "Oh, I see Jesus isn't more important than football." Yeah, yeah... So, it's better to have people just not come to worship - or if they're there to be thinking about the game instead of God? Whatever... I won't appologize. We live in a difficult tension between our culture and our faith. It has always been there - Augustine wrote about it - Luther - Wesley - heck, Paul wrote about it... But how do we resolve it? How can we be "in the world but not of it?" Wish I knew. It's not easy - nothing important is, of course. The tension has caused the church to create an entire sub-society that is "sanctified." Like screaming, growling rock music? Here's Demon Hunter (and a thousand others) Like horror books? Here's "The Oath" (Peretti). We can have Christian: schools, music, movies, books...

The other day I was talking to Rachel, our five-year-old, about a CD I burned for her. She's pretty rough on her CDs so we let her handle the "back up copies" and I keep the originals safely stored away. She likes her CDs long - you know, 75-80 minutes. So I had copied Jars of Clay "Redemption Songs" for her and thought I'd add some more Jars songs to the burned copy (JoC was her first "rock concert" last fall - it was great!) and the only think I had laying handy was Front Yard Luge which is a bonus CD that came out with, I think, If I Left the Zoo . Rachel asked if there were any songs on it from the concert and I said no - but then I remembered that they did "Liquid" at the show, and there's a live version of the song on FYL so I told her that there was one song called "Liquid" from the show. She looked puzzled: "What's that about?" she asked. "It's about Jesus dying for us." I said. ...

It's almost tomorrow and I'm sitting in front of this stupid computer... Actually, I'm doing something good for my wife - getting Steeler videos down on CD for her... Kinda time consuming, though... I discovered something... I'm WAY less dexterous when I'm tired... No surprise, eh? Well, I keep typing bizzare things here (man, I'm gonna wear out the backspace on this keyboard...). Really strange - my head knows where my fingers should be going - just can't get them there... I bet we're WAY less dexterous spiritually when we're tired, too... But, I think I'm way more REAL spiritually when I'm tired... Might just be me, though... Well, God's used to hearing from me when I'm exhausted. And I don't have the energy for those long, eloquent, sounds really good on Sunday morning prayers...so I'm real... G'night...

I got what I deserved yesterday. I put on a dinner and didn't ask anybody to help me. So, I had to cook, serve and clean up after 24 people. My own fault, really. Just didn't ask anybody to help. So, I got what I deserved. My back is crooked again - and the pain is none-too-pleasant, lemme tell you... Why? You might ask. You might not ask that, especially if you know me, but, for the sake of the post, let's assume you might want to know why... My first response is: I don't know. No, really, I don't know why I would do such a stupid thing. Anybody with half a brain would have asked for help... So, I guess I'm really bad at asking for help. I KNOW I am. WAY too independent, or something. What kicks that whole idea in the pants is that I believe that the church exists, in part, to be in community with one another. I believe that all of us should bear one another's burdens and share one another's joys. So - why can't I ask for help? I stil...

I'm reading this book of interviews with Bono and here's his take on grace (I know it's all over the web, but this is good stuff): Assayas: I think I am beginning to understand religion because I have started acting and thinking like a father. What do you make of that? Bono: Yes, I think that's normal. It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma. Assayas: I haven't heard you talk about that. Bono: I really believe we've moved out of the realm of Karma into one of Grace. Assayas: Well, that doesn't make it clearer for me. Bono: You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at...