Of Treehouses and Such

We don't have the trees for it, and I wouldn't want to broach the subject with the board of trustees here at the church, but every once in a while my girls - for like no reason at all - say, "Daddy, can we have a treehouse?"

"Um, no. We don't have the right trees for it."

And that ends it, usually, but sometimes they say, "But if DID have the trees for it, could you build one?"

"Well, I could." I'm such a hedger... But, well, I could. I wouldn't want to...but, yeah, I probably have the requisite skills...

Then the brains start working. "And it could have a deck. And lights. And two stories..." And off they go...

And it becomes clear that what they have in mind for a treehouse is something like this:

Just found online....

And, okay, I admit I couldn't do THAT. I mean, I could do SOME of that...but that's a HOUSE...on a tree. Not what I had in mind, of course. I remember treehouses when I was a kid. You were lucky if yours had a roof - you always knew the kid's dad built theirs if it had a roof. It was a plus if it stayed IN the tree, now that I remember it. Cobbled together bits of scrap lumber, bent nails we would try to straighten out on rocks. You'd hammer some boards to the trunk of a tree as a sort of makeshift ladder but it was quite a coup if you could get some old broken down extension ladder from somewhere - half of it missing, some rungs not there - you shove in a broom handle or something hoping it would work. You build the think like six feet off the ground feeling like your a hundred feet in the air - 'cause that's how kid imagination works, isn't it?

I'm afraid if I built the girls a treehouse it might end up looking like this:

Found online

Okay - I could manage better, I'm sure - but that's how it would look in my mind. Never quite good enough. You know what? I guess that's the real reason why I've never built them a treehouse. It's not the trees, or the trustees. I don't think I could do it well enough. I think I'm afraid to fail at treehouse building. Not that I wouldn't get it anchored to the tree - or put a roof on it or make it look nice. There's just some ineffable...it wouldn't be good enough quality in me...

And that's too bad. Because in kid imagination, even that dumpy treehouse above here, when you're playing looks like this in their minds:

Also found online somewhere

We carry some of that fear along with us in a lot of things - especially creative things. We get afraid to show who we are - will people stomp all over this thing we've poured our heart and soul into?

So it's easier to never start, to never do, to never create. I think that's what most people mean when they say they aren't creative. They are really saying I'm afraid to put myself out there.

I had a whole analysts' couch memory of the first times my little kid heart was stomped on written here - when I showed people I loved and respected, whose approval I craved, something creative I had done and I got that patronizing half smile look of "you're so cute - I think this is garbage but I'll barely pretend to care - maybe you won't notice." It clearly affected me deeply and I suppose that has made me too cautious about putting myself out there creatively... I gave up almost everything except writing. I haven't touched a paintbrush since college, drawn anything of significance in 25 years. I haven't recorded a song since 1999. I play at creative things with the girls... but there's no risk...

But we gain nothing if we risk nothing... Rachel bought some art supplies yesterday with some of her birthday money. Do I dare paint again? Could my 44 year old (gasp, almost 45 year old) hands draw again? Sculpt? Do I really want to anymore?

Oh well, kind of a navel gazing post... sorry...At least there's some really cool treehouse pics :)