Sometimes, It's All About Me...

Failing.

I just talked to a mom who's son is a senior in High School and he's failing some classes. He's capable - good grades in the past - but he has lost something - the drive? The will? Hope? Dunno. I don't really know the kid all that well - he doesn't go to this church's youth group - but this mom is really worried because he seems to be failing in his relationship with God, too.

So, I'm in chapel at the Christian School again where I lead worship. Where I had failed. I couldn't remember how "In the Secret" started - messed up the melody (fortunately, enough people know that song that they picked it up) then right toward the end I broke a string - the A string - which means that fretting chords becomes weird - and the whole guitar goes out of tune slightly...argh. And the whole "mood" of worship was...discomfort.

But I push on. And go to practice with the High School praise team before their chapel service and we can't really connect on a couple of songs - things that should be easy, even though I don't really know the songs. So the High School chapel worship music time is kind of rough, too...

And then the speaker announces that he's going to talk about...failing...

Great. Just what I need to hear.

Only. His first point is good: FAILING DOESN'T MAKE YOU A FAILURE.

And, while he's not the most eloquent speaker I've ever heard, and a lot of the message didn't really stay with me - that statement did.

Just what I needed to hear...

He's right. And even though it seems like I fail all the time at all kinds of things (I wish I was a better husband, dad, pastor, Christian, friend, student, preacher, guitar-player...well, you get the idea) that doesn't make me a failure.

Unless...

The other point that stuck with me from this morning was: FAILING DOESN'T MAKE YOU A FAILURE - UNLESS YOU MAKE IT THE FINAL CHAPTER.

I may be misquoting a little. But the point is - I'm so Eeyore so often. "Oh bother. Lost my tail. Typical..." I know that lots of people do that. It's my personality. I'm not mister sunshine, after all. While I look at everyone else's life and try to see the glass as half-full, I'm convinced that in my own life the glass is shattered all over the floor but there wasn't anything in it anyway...or, whatever...

He talked about Peter failing - but not being a failure. Yet, even Peter FELT like a failure (when the rooster crowed and Jesus looked at him...well, who wouldn't...).

All twelve failed (well, 11 at the Last Supper [Judas had left...but...he's Judas] - even if we have to die, we won't leave you...)

James and John failed (makes us sit at your right and left hand).

Thomas failed (unless I touch the nail prints...)

Judas...

Me...

I yell too much sometimes... I get way too self involved sometimes. When I'm at work, all I think about is home. When I'm at home, all I think about is work... I waste God's time and then steal my family's time... I fail.

I don't want to BE a failure, though...

God, save me. Change me. Redeem me. From me...