I Need a Hero

So we're trying to get Scott Phillips to come to The Crossing*** for opening night - that would be New Year's Eve - so I've been listening to his stuff a lot lately. I had two albums (the first self-titled and the newest one, Next Stop Willoughby which is, by the way, an amazing album) and I've purchased the other two (man, itunes is an addiction - I need to join IA or something).
*** sorry - right now it's just a link to the survey - go ahead and take it, though. I'll wait. Really. Go ahead...


Anyway, I've been in a pretty deep funk for a week or so - it's all stuff that I've brought on myself (if you must know, my defense mechanism for stress is avoidance - so when there's something I don't want to do - or something that's causing me stress - I procrastinate - and I can do that in a HUGE way - in fact, if it were an Olympic event, I'd be a world champion). So, I've dug a hole - more of a pit - no, how about gaping chasm... And I'm feeling all hurt and lost in the deeps...

And I'm listening to Scott - who seems to understand:

HERO
S. Phillips/C. Cates/T. Wood


I play the victim, but there’s no one to blame but me
Its my fault, I bound my own hands and feet
Helplessly here on my back, never felt so alone
I feel the earth shaking beneath me
I’m losing hope

Chorus:
It’s a dark night, the steel is cold
I’ve been searching high and low
But these ropes won’t let me go
I’m tied down to these tracks
I need a hero

I thought I was strong, I thought I was strong enough
To untangle this mess that I’ve made
But it tightened the knot
Helplessly here on my back, never felt so alone
I feel the earth shaking beneath me
I’m losing hope

(Chorus)

Bridge:I need a hero, I need a hero, I need…
Someone to save me, someone to save me
God if you’re there, I need your help
Someone to save me from myself

So that's me right now. I need a hero. I need someone to save me from myself.

You know I had this conversation with a friend of mine where I suggested that we (as pastors) ought to be learning the things that we don't do well - I'm no adminstrator, so I think it behooves me to learn how to DO adminstration so that I don't completely bung everything up as pastor. I don't think he understood what I meant because he kept saying that God gives us gifts of the Spirit and we need to work out of those.

Well, yeah...

But, I don't have the gift of administration (if there are anti-gifts, I'm there). So, should I just not worry about it? Heh, I could tell my DS "Sorry, I didn't get my reports in, but I don't have that gift." Hey Bob, what do you say? :)

Nah - but when I have to do a lot outside of my giftedness and passion, it wears on me. And so I want to avoid it. And I know that's wrong (dare I even say sinful? Yep, I will) - and yet that doesn't spur me on toward victory... I need a hero...

So, I can't give up... I won't give in... But I will surrender.

Someone to save me from myself.

That's redemption, isn't it? It's not like anyone forces me to sin... "I don't know why I do not do the right that I want to do, but I do the very thing I hate."

I need a hero...

God have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
God have mercy.