Grace: A Follow-Up - Real Life and Real Grace

The Lust, the Flesh, the Eyes and the Pride of Life

The 77s

Well, I feel
Like I have to feel
Something good all of the time
With most of life I cannot deal
But a good feeling I can feel
Even though it may not be real
And if a person, place or thing can deliver
I will quiver with delight
But will it last me for all my life
Or just one more lonely night

The lust, the flesh
The eyes
And the pride of life
Drain the life
Right out of me

Well, I see something and I want it
Bam! Right now!
No questions asked
Don't worry how much it costs me now or later
I want it and I want it fast
I'll go to any length
Sacrifice all that I already have
And all that I might get
Just to get
Something more that I don't need
And Lord, please don't ask me what for

The lust, the flesh
The eyes
And the pride of life
Drain the life
Right out of me

And I love when folks
Look right at me
And what I'm doing
Or have done
And lay it on about
How groovy I am
And that I'm looking grand
And every single word
Makes me think I'll live forever
Never knowing that they probably
Won't remember what they said tomorrow
Tomorrow I could be dead

The lust, the flesh
The eyes
And the pride of life
Drain the life

Right out of me

I demonstrate day in and day out that I still don't know what grace is. I'm still not any more patient with people, I still don't demonstrate REPENTANCE in those areas where grace has been extended to me - by people, by God...

"What then, should we sin all the more so that grace may abound?"

Not consciously. But do I do that? I don't know. Who would really do that? I mean, who would hurt someone just so that they can be forgiven? Well, then again - don't we talk about kids who are "so starved for attention" that they act out and act out until they get attention - of course, it's the BAD kind...

On the other hand... I just thought of this... and it might be heresy so put on your lightning-bolt proof hat if you're going to keep reading here...

What if I LIKE being forgiven? No, that's not what I mean. An evangelist was preaching once and said, "If the only time God hears from you is when you're in trouble, then God is going to send trouble your way. Because He wants to hear from you." What if...and I'm a little afraid to admit this...what if I'm only REALLY SURE that I can sense God's presence in the Grace that He gives me. What if it's only in confessing and being forgiven that I REALLY, REALLY know God is...well...real?

No - that's not the case for me...entirely. But there are days...no, there are weeks...of, what to call it...distance...

But, then again, last weekend I was working on the sermon I was going to preach (I get uncomfortable even calling it "my" sermon...I mean...well, that's for another post, maybe) and for the first time in a REALLY long time, I could really feel God's presence and the Holy Spirit's assurance as I typed. I mean it was palpable.

Best sermon I've ever preached? Frankly, no.

And what does that mean? God blessed the writing but not the preaching?

Nope.

It just means that I need to get a much better handle on grace...

Here's why. Lori was gone last weekend and I was trying to squish sermon writing in while the girls were napping (because, really, when else would I do it? Well, truth is, probably at 3:00 Sunday morning - but this was Saturday afternoon). I had a little time and a HUGE topic (isn't the Gospel a huge topic EVERY week?) and, well, God just came in with a huge boatload of grace for me Saturday afternoon. I didn't deserve it (in fact, I SHOULD have spent more office time on the sermon) and I didn't earn it and I didn't even expect it. Sometimes sermons are like exercise - I work and I work and I sweat (figuratively, of course, becuase I don't really exercise...heh) and I can't see ANYTHING come of it. And sometimes sermons are like cooking (for me) which I can do without really even thinking too hard about it (which is pretty dangerous when cooking - even more so when sermonizing). And sometimes - like this time - I think and work and sweat and pray and push and get frustrated and then inspiration comes and it feels like four or five hours are going by and page one is done and then page two and, was that Elie? no, a bird outside, and I just know that God is here and it's all so easy and then I revise page two and add page three and then re do the intro and cut that story and pray again, "is this the right direction?" and make sure the scripture is quoted okay and maybe support that point better with something Paul said...and I look up, and it's only been an hour - maybe an hour and a half - and the girls are still napping and I can't think of anything else to write and so it's done and I still have time...a precious commodity in my life...and I relax a little and I thank God for grace...

And then Elie wakes up...and I...

smile...

Now, you have to understand that when I'm really selfish (and that's way more often than I'd like to admit) I'm NOT smiling when Elie wakes up (and she ALWAYS wakes up first). Not because I don't love her. Not because I don't want to see her and hear her and be with her and play with her. But because I want WHAT I WANT first. And that's NOT grace.

But Saturday...

I was SO happy that I was done with the sermon. And SO happy that Elie was awake and I could play with her (before her sister got up) and give her a little "just me and daddy time." And I enjoyed the 20 minutes or half an hour before Rachel woke up and then the three of us played and watched a movie together and waited not-too-patiently for mommy to come home at 9:30 that night.

That's grace.

And then mommy came home and the girls went to bed and I didn't have to run to the computer and get working on my sermon and I could just be present with Lori while she told me about how great her conference was and what a great time she had and how well she got along with the ladies who went with and she can't wait to go back. And I wasn't half-listening. I wasn't distracted by what "I have to get done." And it didn't matter that we talked until 1:00 in the morning because I didn't have to set the alarm for 3:00 AM to get the sermon done and I could just enjoy hearing Lori's voice again and looking in her eyes again and, even though we've been married 15 years, holding her hand and kissing my wife again...

And it was grace...

But I don't usually see that side of grace. Usually it's the, "I didn't get done what I was supposed to get done and can you forgive me that I have to take time away from you to do something I didn't do when I was supposed to do it because I was too selfish at THAT time to stay on task" kind of grace...from my family AND from God...

And that kind of grace is good. But Saturday's grace is WAY better.

So, God, how do I walk in THAT grace?

Well, I don't have any conclusions this afternoon - just questions.