Still Wrestling with the Kingdom of Heaven

ARGH - I seem to use that word a lot with Blogger... Though, this time it's not Blogger's fault... I was working on a post the other day and had to leave it half done (did I "save as draft? heh, of course not) and while I was away from the computer (youth event, day off, busy day...) the power went down, my machine rebooted and I lost it...sigh... It was very profound and deep...connecting the our hopes and dreams and the meaning of life with our existential need to understand this material world and our spiritual nature and the ever-unchanging, never completely knowable God...

Guess you'll have to settle for what's left in my brain today...

The Kingdom of God is present right now. Right here (wherever your right here is, of course). The kingdom of God is the people of God being Christ-like here and now...

Here's a start for today:

“...and today there is a man in shepherd’s clothes, a hippie, all dirty, with a downed bike in the circle lawn across the street. He is eating bread from the bakery and drinking from a metal camp cup. He is tapping the cup against his leg, sitting like a monk, all striped in fabric. I wonder if he is happy, his blanket strapped to the rack on his bike, his no home, his no job. I wonder if he has left it all because he hated it or because it hated him. It is true some do not do well with conventional life. They think outside things and can’t make sense of following a line. They see no walls, only doors from open space to open space, supposedly, to the mind of God, or at least this is what we hope for them, and what they hope for themselves.”

(Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts ix-x)

Can’t be sure it’s what they mean but a couple of Beatles songs come to mind when I think about this idea of “I wonder if he has left it all because he hated it or because it hated him...”

Paperback writer
Lennon/McCartney – Beatles

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
Based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.
It's the dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
His son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.
Paperback writer

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few,
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I can make it longer if you like the style,
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

If you really like it you can have the rights,
It could make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.
Paperback writer
Paperback writer - paperback writer
Paperback writer - paperback writer

And maybe it doesn’t have anything at all to do with anything...but here’s the other one:

Eleanor Rigby
Lennon/McCartney – Beatles

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from ?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong ?

Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working. Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

And, just because I’m thinking about it right now – and my dad (who could have been that guy Miller was talking about if he hadn’t found a way to make “sense of following a line”) my dad said once to me when I was maybe 17 or so that this song was him...and I didn’t really understand then, but by the time he died I did...

The Sparrow
Simon and Garfunkel

Who will love a little Sparrow?

Who's traveled far and cries for rest?

"Not I," said the Oak Tree,"I won't share my branches with

no sparrow's nest,

And my blanket of leaves won't warm

her cold breast.

"Who will love a little Sparrow

And who will speak a kindly word?

"Not I," said the Swan,"The entire idea is utterly absurd,

I'd be laughed at and scorned if the other Swans heard."

Who will take pity in his heart,

And who will feed a starving sparrow?

"Not I," said the Golden Wheat,"I would if I could but I cannot I know,

I need all my grain to prosper and grow.

"Who will love a little Sparrow?

Will no one write her eulogy?

"I will," said the Earth,"For all I've created returns unto me,

From dust were ye made and dust ye shall be."

Wow – getting depressing on a Friday here...

All of these things (Miller's quote, the songs, and memories of my dad that are tumbling around in my head) speak to me of the Kingdom of Heaven. The dis-satisfaction that so many people feel, the lonliness, the lack of acceptance... We have a pastors' Bible study here on Friday mornings and last week and this week they were talking all about "holy things" and it kind of freaks me out - because I don't see things as holy (doesn't that make them, by definition, idols?). I mean, I don't throw my Bible in the toilet, but it is just paper and leather and ink, ins't it? Oh, the IDEAS contained in it are holy, to be sure, but... And the altar space in the sanctuary...is that "holy space?" So we get talking (even the charismatics who come) about reverence for place and stuff like that and I just shut up because I want to yell, "Who cares about STUFF? Who cares about places? God wants people. God wants our hearts. If we're quiet in church because we are in awe of God, that's a good thing, but if we're quiet in church because Deacon Jim is going to come down on us like a hammer...well, that's just stupid, isn't it?" What the heck is going on in our churches that we revere the big Bible on the table but we ignore the broken woman in the pew? We polish the brass cross but we push aside the confused teenager? We make sure the pews are clean and ready for Sunday but not our hearts, not our lives...and never mind that we might only want to fill the pews with the right kind of people...you know, the kind who want church to be quiet and will not come back if there's dust on the pews or fingerprints on the big brass cross...

No wonder my dad felt like he didn't belong in church...he wasn't good enough for the people there... I hope he knew God loved him - and still does...

No wonder people are finding connection and spiritual fulfillment in "all the wrong places." Bars don't ask you to wear and coat and tie (though you might get asked to move "out of MY seat") and they don't care if you have it all together or not and if you want to dump your problems, well, that's probably okay, too.

I just read a quote the other day:

Five Basic Rules for Toxic Churches:

1. If you are a real Christian, you will not have major problems like divorce [and I would insert, rebellious children, addiction struggles, money problems, depression, and the list could go on and on].
2. If you do develop a major problem, it is the result of your deep spiritual weakness.
3. Since this weakness makes the church look bad, the least you can do is pretend you do not have this problem.
4. If you are not going to pretend you are problem-free, at least show everyone you are deeply ashamed.
5. If you are not going to either pretend to be perfect or act ashamed, don't show up.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How many of these kind of churches can you name?

Me too...

The author's conclusion, "So I stopped showing up."

Who needs that kind of church? Man, we all have problems. Let's deal with them - not pretend we don't have them, not just sit through some self-help sessions, but really, really deal with them. Let's "bear one another's burdens" (no, that's too much...oops, is that REALLY in the Bible?)

I'm done for today...