Twenty(two) Questions

Well, I'm part of an accountabilty group and we go through a list of quesitons (I know I've mentioned it before). I was thinking last night about the questions that Wesley had his group go through (the whole list is here - scroll down and you'll find them).

So, I thought I'd deal with the questions as an exercise in blogging...or, um, something.

Anyway, here goes....

Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?

I've done it. I know I have. I remember the days when I wanted to impress people. As much as I get away from that attitude, I still find myself doing it.

Politicians call it spin.

When I was a kid, I'd try to minimize my apparent involvement in the bad stuff I'd do. You know, it's not really my fault, after all... As an adult I may be even better at it.

So, in some ways I create "the impression that I am better than I really am" by minimizing my own failures and, truth be told, my own sinful nature. That's easy to do. I can just point out some other people who are "way worse than me." The critical, the gossips, the self-absorbed, the foolish, the inconsistent, the addicted. And yet, that's all me, too, isn't it? Sigh...

And then there's the "I gotta get credit for this and that" so that I can appear to be "better than I really am." Yeah, the internet really was all my idea. Honest. I want to get credit for stuff that I do. And when it's really good, I want ALL the credit - and maybe even more than I deserve.

Thing is, I have yet to accomplish anthing - and I mean ANYTHING - by myself. Everything that I've done that has been successful has been tied in with other people - being inspired by, encouraged by, working with, whatever - that which I have accomplished has been a community effort. And, truth be told, most of the credit goes to God anyway.

People say to me after I preach, "Good message" or words like that. What do I say? "You should have seen the struggle I had. How I was convicted by this passage and how God had to break me apart so that I could see the truth in the Scriptures. You should have been there as I wrote and re-wrote and beat my head against the wall because I don't want to just handle God's word lightly - but with the very weight of the Good News of God that it is." Is that what I say. Nope. "Thanks, I appreciate the encouragement." And the truth is I couldn't have preached a message at all if I wasn't in this community of faith here in Warren. And your struggles and your hopes are all a part of who I am now and are all a part of what God is doing in me, and in us.

"Thanks."

Like it's all me, or something.

"Am I a hypocrite?"

Yep. Too many times. Thing is, I don't see it when I am.

So, I look at myself. Where is it? Criticism. Sarcasm. Selfishness.

Sigh...

Twenty one to go...

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