When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.
Otto von Bismarck, statesman (1815-1898)
Jesus said, "In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me." (John 18:37)
Several years ago I was running really late for a meeting. I was new pastor, this was my second time on this committee which was made up of lots of pastors who had lots of years of experience - I was the new guy - and I was late. So I'm doing everything I can to shave seconds off the trip and focused on what I have to do when I get there and when I walk I and sit down everyone is staring at me expectantly.
Crap. I forgot to make up an excuse. Think quick. Come on, you can do this.
"I'm sorry I'm late everyone... I... forgot about the meeting." WHAT?! The truth? Idiot...
But...Everybody laughed and then someone said the most curious thing. "Wow. It's so refreshing hearing the truth."
Really?
Um...
Wow...
So that was years ago. And maybe I've told that story here before, too, I don't know. But I find the truth to be refreshing. It's far too common to hear people spinning, weaving, or nuance things that to hear the truth spoken plain and simple is, well, sometimes disarming.
I'm getting really good at at telling the truth.
Like when there's conflict. I used to avoid conflict. I mean I still hate it, don't get me wrong, but I don't dread it with the sick in the pit of my stomach feelings I used to have. Especially when I'm wrong.
Nobody wants to be wrong. But we all are sometimes. But I'm finding fewer and fewer people willing to step up and admit it. But it's important - absolutely necessary, in fact - in relationships to own up to our own failures, our own blame. To be wrong. And to be completely honest about it.
It's disarming.
Of course, that's not why you do it. But in this era, in this culture, it is disarming to people. "Look, I completely failed here and here and here." Now, this gives party B the opportunity to say, "Yeah, and I messed up here and here..." But that usually takes some time. I usually get a stupefied look for a few seconds.
And it shouldn't be that way.
And it isn't always. But particularly in dealing with people who have jobs where they have to constantly defend themselves or "play politics" at work (I can think of some ceo types and school administrators*** and people in those types of positions that I've met over the years) who simply can't ever put their guard down at work, hearing plain unvarnished truth can be...unexpected. And sometimes even suspicious.*****
But the truth is the truth. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
*** No, I'm not picking on these two professions. These are the two that leapt to mind because the relationships I've had - but there's lots - lawyers, pastors, bankers, teachers, housewives, machinists, etc, etc - you get the picture - it CAN be anybody whose life is such that they feel they have to guard their every word (at home, work, school, whatever)
***** I've almost never had a hidden agenda in something that I've done - except a good one - like secret Christmas presents - and almost every time, even the good ones, it has backfired terribly and messily. About 15 years ago (about when I entered the ministry, now that I think about it) I really became a what you see is what you get kind of guy...sorry that there's not more depth to me than that. But there's not more subterfuge, subtext or hidden agenda, either. So it's a bit of a tradeoff. But I think a worthwhile one...
Otto von Bismarck, statesman (1815-1898)
Jesus said, "In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me." (John 18:37)
Several years ago I was running really late for a meeting. I was new pastor, this was my second time on this committee which was made up of lots of pastors who had lots of years of experience - I was the new guy - and I was late. So I'm doing everything I can to shave seconds off the trip and focused on what I have to do when I get there and when I walk I and sit down everyone is staring at me expectantly.Crap. I forgot to make up an excuse. Think quick. Come on, you can do this.
"I'm sorry I'm late everyone... I... forgot about the meeting." WHAT?! The truth? Idiot...
But...Everybody laughed and then someone said the most curious thing. "Wow. It's so refreshing hearing the truth."
Really?
Um...
Wow...
So that was years ago. And maybe I've told that story here before, too, I don't know. But I find the truth to be refreshing. It's far too common to hear people spinning, weaving, or nuance things that to hear the truth spoken plain and simple is, well, sometimes disarming.
I'm getting really good at at telling the truth.
Like when there's conflict. I used to avoid conflict. I mean I still hate it, don't get me wrong, but I don't dread it with the sick in the pit of my stomach feelings I used to have. Especially when I'm wrong.
Nobody wants to be wrong. But we all are sometimes. But I'm finding fewer and fewer people willing to step up and admit it. But it's important - absolutely necessary, in fact - in relationships to own up to our own failures, our own blame. To be wrong. And to be completely honest about it.
It's disarming.
Of course, that's not why you do it. But in this era, in this culture, it is disarming to people. "Look, I completely failed here and here and here." Now, this gives party B the opportunity to say, "Yeah, and I messed up here and here..." But that usually takes some time. I usually get a stupefied look for a few seconds.
And it shouldn't be that way.
And it isn't always. But particularly in dealing with people who have jobs where they have to constantly defend themselves or "play politics" at work (I can think of some ceo types and school administrators*** and people in those types of positions that I've met over the years) who simply can't ever put their guard down at work, hearing plain unvarnished truth can be...unexpected. And sometimes even suspicious.*****
But the truth is the truth. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
*** No, I'm not picking on these two professions. These are the two that leapt to mind because the relationships I've had - but there's lots - lawyers, pastors, bankers, teachers, housewives, machinists, etc, etc - you get the picture - it CAN be anybody whose life is such that they feel they have to guard their every word (at home, work, school, whatever)
***** I've almost never had a hidden agenda in something that I've done - except a good one - like secret Christmas presents - and almost every time, even the good ones, it has backfired terribly and messily. About 15 years ago (about when I entered the ministry, now that I think about it) I really became a what you see is what you get kind of guy...sorry that there's not more depth to me than that. But there's not more subterfuge, subtext or hidden agenda, either. So it's a bit of a tradeoff. But I think a worthwhile one...
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