Who I Am...Not Who I Will Be...

... I gave as an offering my all to Him Who had won me and saved me, my property, my fame, my health, my very words... In considering all these things, I preferred Christ. And the words of God were made sweet as honeycombs to me, and I cried after knowledge and lifted up my voice for wisdom. There was moreover the moderation of anger, the curbing of the tongue, the restraint of the eyes, the discipline of the belly, and the trampling under foot of the glory which clings to the earth. --Gregory of Nazianzus

So easily the words, "I surrender all" can come to my lips - but so slowly does the true surrender come. I willingly give up my property, fame, health, words (usually) to Christ - this is actually an easy sacrifice to make. But the harder is the second part of Gregory's assertion above: me...

Anger, tongue, eyes, belly, self-glorification...

So, I've been a Christ Follower for almost thirty years, and I'm still figuring out what Jesus meant by

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

And how easy it is for me to "rest" in my "sacrifices" that I have made - those things, attitudes, etc. that I have willingly given over to Christ - but how hard it is to surrender the rest - the all of me - the self absorbed, self glorifying, self important, self satisfying me...

It's me, I can't get myself to go away

It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away

Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way, no